So yesterday I logged onto Paige’s Posts Facebook page and was greeted by a message saying it’s been 31 days since my last post. Geez-I can’t believe it’s been that long! I miss blogging and sharing stories about life, however uneventful it may be.
Truthfully, I haven’t posted anything recently because I haven’t been doing much. As you all know, I moved back to Bakersfield earlier this year and am still trying to discover who I am and where I see myself in the future. It’s a hard thing to decide-at least for me.
I’ve been actively, desperately, job searching since I moved to Bakersfield and have not had much luck. Struggling to remain positive is exhausting, but at least now I get to see my family and I’ll be able to see them for the holidays this year. (I didn’t return home for the holidays while I was away at Davis the last two years). On top of this, I’ve been getting those stress-inducing emails about my student loan repayment dates. They are closing in on me and I’m anticipating a rough next year.
To compound this situation, I’ve been struggling with the concept of happiness. This is a big issue for me. I mean, one of the reasons I interview college students is to see where happiness fits into the equation of life. Is it worth pursuing an education in order to follow one’s dreams and be happier? If so, then why do most people not do this? Is there such a thing as happy living?
I see on Facebook and other social media people posting how much they hate their jobs. I ask myself, well, why do people work at jobs that they hate? Are these people then filled with regret, because they didn’t follow their heart? I know how it feels to have a job that is less then desirable. I’ve had my share of past job experiences, but now that I’m older and I hear all these people saying to live happily and follow one’s passions and dreams-I just don’t understand. How is one supposed to live happily and follow one’s passions and dreams without breaking the bank?
I read books about people who had to sacrifice their family for their careers, and so even after attaining their financial freedom, they are left with a hole. It’s just scary to me.
I want to be a veterinarian, I want to serve those less fortunate then myself, but I know it’s going to take a while to reach that goal. Along the way, people try to test my determination, they continually question my ability and desire to become a veterinarian. “Do you really think your dreams are going to come true?” “You aren’t still trying to be a vet are you?”.
It makes me wonder, when do I throw in the towel? I mean, I have this amazing and often overwhelming desire to help people and animals. I sign up for these volunteer clinics and I always walk away with a new perspective and determination. Then I see all the people around me, many who have given up on their dreams. They wake up each morning, go to work and say “I wish I had done this…” or “I hate my job, I wish I would have pursued (name of dream career)”.
I guess this is just the other side of the coin, the less happy side. I’m sure I’ll get through this rough patch. I don’t know about my future, all I can do is keep trying and adapting to changes as they come.
What I know for sure is that I want to keep blogging. That can be constant. More posts to come.